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Watch out for Daemon's Mega joke thread and your laughter. Here goes the first one. pretty long yet funny.<br /><br />The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate<br />father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to<br />arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be<br />here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby<br />photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.<br /><br />"Good morning, madam. I've come to...."<br />"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.<br />"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of<br />babies"<br />"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"<br /><br />After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"<br />"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the<br />couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is<br />fun too; you can really spread out!"<br />"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me"<br />"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we<br />try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different<br />angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results"<br />"My, that's a lot of....." gasped Mrs. Smith.<br />"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in<br />and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure" <br />"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.<br /><br />The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his<br />baby pictures.<br />"This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London"<br />"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.<br />"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their<br />mother was so difficult to work with"<br />"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.<br />"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job<br />done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get<br />a good look"<br />"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.<br />"Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too. The<br />mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.<br />Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the<br />squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."<br />Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean squirrels actually chewed on your,<br />um......equipment?"<br />"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we <br />can get to work."<br />"Tripod?Huh??"<br />"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for<br />me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? ....... Good Lord, she's<br />fainted!!" ;D
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